Samurai Yujiro, Japan foie gras correspondent

Dear Mr Emanuel Macron Ph.D

Good morning sir.

And congratulations for your decisive victory this morning. I think you have done it once again, crushing the mother of all bombs (MOAB)…….., no, I mean the mother of 3, Mrs Marine Le Pen.

Sir, I knew you were going to win.

Well, to be honest that’s a big fat lie. I’d never imagined you would actually prevail, under the recent circumstances of ruthless terrorism and immigrant crisis across Europe. Of course I remember back in November 2015, 130 innocent people in Paris fell victim to those despicable Muslim extremists.

I was shocked and terrified, totally speechless in utter grief.

Outrageous acts of violence continued across the European continent even after that as you are well aware of.  Nice (pronounced Nee-ce), Belgium, Germany suicide bombers  subsequently led to my conclusion, or prediction – “The mighty French people must be feeling precarious like a pussy cat living under dictator Stalin. They must be thirsty for safety and freedom! So anti-immigrants fighter Le Pen shall prevail!”


Mr Macron sir, ( I won’t call you Mr President yet, because your hugely unpopular impotent boss Mr Hollande is still officially in that position) this may be a mundane question, but do you seriously think that you can bring fundamental changes in French politics!? Isn’t it going to be another botched 5 years of Hollande administration!?

Of course, I have no allegiance to Mrs Le pen since I’m currently in Tokyo, pretty much serene compared to Paris with no IS bombers walking in Shibuya or Shinjuku (as for now).  And I do hope that you can make a difference in the near future, since the growing anger towards the so called the ‘establishment’ in France is already palpable, even from the land of the rising sun.


French are too lazy

This world will go upside down the moment the Italians stop lying, Americans stop talking politics and the French start working.

‘Conformity addict’ Japanese are hopeless these days, unfortunately. Diligent as we are (not saying myself) , the complacency and political apathy is just overwhelming. So basically ‘nothing’ changes in my country, nothing. Even our next door neighbor Mr Kim’s nuclear-ICBM ‘Tepodong’ threats will do little to wake up the sleeping flock of sheep.

It is deplorable, especially when one in every four citizens is aged over 65.

Boy, thats a problem. A huge one. Compared to the imminent threat of our ‘fastest aging society’, Mr Trump is nothing. Despite the fact, our smart government does de facto nothing.

Forget about Japan for now sir.

But then, Mr  ‘Rothschild’ Macron, when we contemplate the everlasting enigma of your great nation, maybe we shall reach one simple conclusion – that the mighty French are the laziest people on the face of the earth.

I apologize if I’m wrong sir.

A couple of years ago, a friend of mine Yoko (pseudonym) fell a victim to the world famous ‘French laziness’. Her travel plans were disrupted, thanks to Air France cabin crews calling for a strike.

I won’t go deeper on this issue, since the discussion will never end – but I’m pretty certain that Yoko isn’t the only one that succumbed to the ‘Ego of the French’. Well, I reluctantly do confess that I am a lazy bastard myself, and that being said my argument here is that the best ‘cure’ for your country is to offer ‘Super Wasabi Sushi’ (S.W.S) to your great people; that will enforce ‘Japanese diligence” and patience on the Parisians or the ‘lazy immigrants’ (the term often used by my French friends) from your former colonies of North Africa.

S.W.S is the ‘Mother of all Sushis’ (not ‘bombs’ from U.S… what a stupid naming that is anyways. Pope is correct), with a huge 20 grams of wasabi on every chunk of rice. Once you jam it in your mouth, taking a nap will be a ‘Mission Impossible’.

So lastly sir, let us both beef up the Tokyo-Paris relationships to absolutely topnotch level starting tomorrow. You import billion tons of rice and wasabi from Japan, while on the other hand you send us more ‘piss water’ like Beaujolais-nouveau 50% off the current market price.

That’s a deal sir.

And don’t forget Mr Macron, that the best Sushis come from Japan’s ‘endangered’ Tsukiji market, and not from Sushi bars in your capital run by Chinese-Korean owners.

They are plastic! Not ‘fake news’, but fake Sushis OMG.


Good Rising!


Yujiro Taniyama

Japan Broadcasting Editor in Chief


p.s Those who label me as a ‘racist’ is nothing but an unthinking, dumb hypocrite like Nicolas Maduro. I’m just a Sushi Fighter and a Truth Fighter!