By Samurai ‘Hamachi’ Yujiro – Japan Broadcasting . net corporation Tokyo correspondent


Austrian Aphrodite Maria Schell was excellent in 1959 classic; ‘The Hanging Tree’. Gary Cooper’s role meanwhile, was sickeningly prudish like a stereotype hockey mom in Arizona.

At any rate, 64 years on, Tokyo too desperately needs a hanging tree. Indeed, to throughly punish the filthy despicable 17 year old Nipponese thug that allegedly criminally violated the ‘International Sushi-code’.

It is my sincere understanding that this incredible ignoramus ought to be apprehended and incarcerated tonight, in a solitary confinement if not Ueno zoo. And on behalf of 125,000,000 souls residing in Giappone, let me profusely apologize for the unapologetic cocksucker’s inexcusable misconduct.

Su mi masen.

Moral degradation of my fellow Japanese citizens have been brilliantly  conspicuous for the last two decades to say the least; as the inevitable rise of Balloon Republic became self evident; smooth and sound.

As they rise, we fall.

Lastly, let me reiterate my deepest lamentation and sumimasen-tation for disturbing your unshakable trust towards Nipponese cuisines and cleanness. But ladies and gentlemen, apparently you now know that it’s nothing but a remarkable myth.

Ita-ducky-m-ASS. いただきます。