Samurai Yujiro Taniyama – sports correspondent, Japan Broadcasting . net Corporation
Babe Ruth was a podgy, kind man. The philanthropic mindset that the baseball legend possessed urged him to donate some huge some of money to the orphans in New York.
Samurai Shohei Ohtani, meanwhile also appears to be a man of irrefutable humility and kindness. But he ain’t fat. Fat like Babe. So he runs like a Ferrari, bats like Samson and pitches magically like Michael Jackson.
Nevertheless, hark! Damnation!
Out of the blue the planet had learned a few days ago that Samurai Shohei had allegedly donated big buck; oh yes in the millions, not to the unfortunate children but to a chubby interpreter he had befriended in 2013; while cooking ham for Nippon Ham Fighters. The Dodgers’ ‘two way superstar’s’ earthshaking gambling scandal that is currently under scrutiny is apparently disconcerting by all means.
Was Shohei’s real name Pete Rose?! or Orson Wells’ Rose Bud? A superlatively cretinous American you must be to support such a preposterous narrative. Samurais did latently gamble back in the Edo period, but not ShoTime. He’s just too good for that. Just look at his corporeal potency gentlemen and gentlewomen; yes, those hulk-like shoulders and 130 miles/h split finger fastballs he delivers to the catchers’ glove. Had Ohtani wasted time playing poker, his unparalleled baseball achievements would’ve been clearly impossible.
Never had Samurai Ohtani made crucial mistakes or errors in the field of baseball up to now. Never. With just one exception. Correct, his overwhelming-dependence on his beer belly interpreter. It was like a ‘cocaine Made in Japan’ relationship, yes, Shohei and Beer Belly (BB) – hand in glove sort of relationship 24/7; turning the kingpin of MLB into somewhat an BB addict.
And that is exactly why I, the most undisciplined Samurai Ronin ever recorded in history of proud animals had adamantly reiterated since around 2020, that ShoTime should sooner or later speak to the MLB audience interviews directly in English, and not through the mouth of BB. Somerset Maugham style human bondage would surely be cultivated that way, regardless of Shohei’s lack of proficiency in foreign tongue.
As his huge, though repugnant fan, I do lament that it was the unremarkable insular-mindedness of a typical reticent Giapponese national; that had consequently cost Shohei this irreparable fiasco. Personally speaking, I reckon that the two-way-Samurai didn’t need Beer Belly Gambler beside him when he started to play for the Angels back in 2018. Had the No.17 been a truly insolent katana warrior, perambulating alone, sort of resembling the author of this glorious editorial, this whole mess wouldn’t have occurred.
Lastly, to make a long story short, the unparalleled entity in the history of baseball had inscrutably tied the knot with his long time translator-friend; long before his recent matrimony with a basketball belle. Oh, what a regrettable and non-delectable imprudence!
Interpreters quite often lie. I know that by my failing heart, boys and girls, as it is also my profession.
Bow.
