Samurai Yujiro, Japan Tokyo correspondent


I recently saw ‘Calamity Jane’, a 1953 Hollywood classic starring stunningly voluptuous Doris Day. Nevertheless, the musical-western portrays the heroine as a boyish gunmonger in 19th century Deadwood, Dakota territory that shoots anything she considers obnoxious.

Calamity, whose real name is Jane Cannary (An American who actually existed from 1852-1903. The film, I later found out was based on her life story) is labelled so, since she’s largely considered as a calamitous flippant despite her indefatigable energy. Her self-described ‘justice’ is always a double edged sword that ends up in a damnable fiasco.

Now, as I contemplate the ineffably thrilling Tokyo Olympics with bells on, my major concern is how to mitigate the surge of the virus pragmatically, during the world’s largest sporting event that’s just 45 days away. The Aussie girl’s softball team has already started their spartan training camp in Gunma, a couple kilometers from the capital; which is an inquisitive sign.

Notwithstanding, according to Nikkei newspaper only 12.94 million elderly – synonymous for 10% of the population have so far been vaccinated (June 6th update), and that only once. Thanks to our incompatible authorities, I have to admit that Japan has already been defeated not in the Olympics, but in the so called ‘Vaccination Wars’. And in order to guarantee maximum safety especially for the seniors aged over 65 (※ strikingly, roughly one third the population!), the Sheepdog Samurai’s conclusion in this unimportant column is crystal clear.

Correct, allow all virus-free Olympians and Paralympians into the Land of the Rising Sun, but minimize the number of associates entering the country.

The ‘authentic cockalorum’ – as the author have pointed out earlier is not only Mr. Thomas ‘Tank Engine’ Bach to say the least, but the term may also apply to the ostentatious ‘IOC family’ blokes as well as self-acclaimed journalists. As many as 100,000 Gaijin (‘outsiders from foreign land’) are expected to set his and her allegedly ‘uninfected’ foot on Nippon soil during the games, which is undeniably a tremendous risk for the ‘world’s most unvaccinated G7 nation’. And while the athletes are highly expected to be rigorously quarantined in ‘Olympic village’, sadly shut off from general public, the poshy ‘IOC cockalorums’ and media employees remain a serious threat; for they are de facto ‘untraceable’ after they’ve penetrated immigration gate in Haneda or Narita.



Unnecessary participation, Unnecessary calamity

A cruel evil made this universe when ‘God’ or ‘Gods’ were nonchalant and busy, eating Sushi. If such an omnipotent deity actually exists, that is.

That said, as I am indeed obsessed with a hopeful hankering of the successful Tokyo 2021 Olympics, Japan is irrefutably not exempt from the risk of terrible misfortunes. A fiend is always around the corner, this time terribly excited and prepared to ignite ‘clusters’. The ‘safety measures’ by Tokyo Olympic Committee and the IOC is inconclusive, needless to say.

On whether the actual ‘Calamity Jane’ (on the black and white photo) was wicked or not, I cannot determine. But I can say this; that she was profoundly a sinner – that occasionally shot down innocent aborigines (‘red skin Indians’, presumably a derogatory phrase today) and villagers for an unjustifiable, personal pleasure. Or else, how could the woman have ever got her preposterous name? And in conclusion, let me please emphatically argue that among the ‘100,000 foreigners’ entering my homeland in July and August, over 5,000 are expected to be Calamity Janes. Despite the volatile, inoculated situation in the host nation, the great preponderance of allegedly inoculated IOC counterparts and reporters from Western/Asian corporate medias are highly likely to go Izakaya-hopping and Sushimongering in Tokyo and other hosting cities every day after five, by self-righteously boasting that they themselves have been ‘vaccinated’. But as the Almighty has made this planet hugely imperfect, it goes without saying that not all jabs scientifically guarantee immunity to the full; especially in the face of new and powerful variants that perpetually mutate. The results of virus-tests too, fall short of 100% credibility. Loopholes are everywhere.

So lastly and for all, I beg you laity and gents, to unequivocally pressure the IOC and the medias of your nation to refrain from sending over unnecessary ‘VIPs’ and reporters to the Land of the Rising Phallic-Olympic Festival. A Calamity Jane they’ll become in my view, shooting ‘Bat virus bullets’ and consequently spreading the killer – endangering the lives of athletes and the locals.

I repeat. A friend is what the world desperately needs, not a fiend.

If summer holiday-making and a flamboyant ‘family trip’ wear the coat of business trip and self-importance, shall that pass?!