Samurai Yujiro Taniyama, Japan Broadcasting . net 【JB】Itinerant Senior Correspondent

It goes without saying that the Tokyo Games which is scheduled to commence next month, on July 23 is haunted. The ghosts are indeed watching. Thanks to the ‘curse’ of the deadly pestilence, it had to be postponed for a year; for the first time in event’s history since its foundation in 1896. Doomed as it is, the foreign spectators are banned. Doomed as it is, the participating athletes must take virus-checkups daily. 

The Summer olympics, by the way in my view has long been synonymous for ‘icy beer’. 

You drink, you sweat, you cheer. An inflammable nationalism with bee-ru. But in 2021, alcohol will be strictly prohibited in venues and stadiums. No cheering will be allowed either. Yep, ‘No cheer, no beer’. Damnation. Inscrutably, only clapping hands. Furthermore, the audience (maximum 10,000 per venue) will be entitled to head straight back home as soon as the sporting event is over. 

No scrumptious Daiginjo-Sake with Edamame at Izakaya afterwards, either. 

That all said, it is absolutely rational and theoretically correct to label the ‘Doomed Tokyo Games’ as a non-indulgent, self-disciplined entertainment for prudish moms, monks and pilgrims. 

‘Digital-Spiritual’ travel from your house to Tokyo National Stadium

Then how should we all cherish and enjoy the global sporting entertainment? 

As an impetuous protagonist of unshakable impropriety, I, personally have no ambition whatsoever to pay a dime for a live football/baseball game where icy Kirin and Sapporo is unavailable. That’d be not only irrational, but intolerable. So just like the prudent reader of this essay (living outside Nippon), the frivolous author’ll highly likely be fervently cheering for his national soccer team in front of SONY TV somewhere. 

Holding a glass of icy Daiginjo? Of course.

That’s right. In order for you to enthusiastically enjoy Tokyo Games 2021, and to irrefutably relish the ‘atmosphere’ of the Land of the Rising Phallus Festival (host nation) with all your senses, I strongly recommend that you go and purchase Made in Nippon alcohol beverages at your nearest Walmart or 7Eleven this weekend. SUNTORY, KIRIN, SAPPORO, ASAHI beers. Toris, Taketsuru, Kaku-Bin, Yamazaki and Hakushu whiskeys. And of course, Sake from pricy Daiginjo to the cheapest Gosei-Seishu! Purchasing Nippon beer might cost you some extra buck or so than buying local beers, but should you cheer (or jeer) for your national soccer team and fellow athletes at home sipping cold ‘Japanese beers’ in both hands, the patriotic author is for certain that it’ll stimulate not only your latent national pride, but also shall majestically ‘transport’ your lethargic mind to Tokyo National Stadium and Yokohama Stadium in a blink of an eye!


Yes, a mind boggling spiritual flight (First class, just like the ostentatious IOC Kaiser Thomas Tank-engine) to Tokyo Haneda Airport on the famous Phallus International! And when your team wins, scream out loud ‘Banzai’! 

Not Bonsai, but Banzai.

Pay $10, get two or three cans of Japan made beer, and an additional $3 will provide you with frozen Edamame (Made in Peking). So with just $13 plus your frolic imagination, you’re miraculously guaranteed a hallucinogenic experience! Air ticket, hotel, venue ticket, beer and Edamame all included! How nice!

Let our insatiable animality and passion vanquish all the wicked soul!

Life probably ain’t bad after all!