North Korea’s Kim Jong un should fight SUMO champ Kisenosato

Mt.Fuji is the most classic, aesthetic and symmetric mountain in the world as far as I know. And it is proven by the mere fact that it’s beauty is renowned not only domestically, but also internationally.

“Harumafuji” and “Terunofuji” are both distinguished Mongolian SUMO wrestlers, though their name includes the word ‘FUJI’.

And yesterday, the new Yokozuna or Grand Champion Kisenosato crushed Terunofuji twice to win the Spring SUMO tournament, according to the Associated Press. Its’ truly a little surprise that AP has posted this article on Japan’s indigenous  ‘sport’ – which I must say is in a way an incorrect term, since SUMO is NOT precisely a sport but a Shinto ritual that roots back 1500 years ago.

If you are a foreigner, you may wonder “Boy, aren’t these FATTYS obese! Eating too much rice bowls and ramens?”.

Well, I do not deny that. But remember, these boys are not just a fatty like Mr Michael Moore, but DO have huge muscles and they also train their body (especially the hip-joint between the legs) to make it extremely soft in order to prevent serious injuries.

 

Now.

 

People in North Korea are purportedly eating shoes.

ASICS? NIKE? Onizuka Tiger?! Adidas?!  Who knows. Malnutrition seems rampant, since their authoritarian regime is keen on flooding 90% of its annual budget into its nuclear missile program. Not enough food on the table, and its citizens are skin and bones.

But there’s just one exception. Yes, the “Fatty” Sumo-wrestler-like guy, Kim Jong un.

 

Pyongyang’s Jonny Goldberg

 

The name “Kim” is spelled 「金」、 and means GOLD.

So his name is pretty similar to the Jewish name ‘Goldberg’. So let’s call the fattty dictator “Jonny Goldberg” (Jong un = Jonny) from now on just for the western readers. Besides, 90% of the people in Korea are either Mr Kim or Pak or Lee. The late assassinated brother ‘Kim Jong nam’ sounds not so different from his ruthless half brother either.

 

Now, while Jonny Goldberg is eating up all the ‘GOLD’ in Pyongyang making him the most chubbiest abrasive provocateur  on Korean peninsula, we’ve got to bear in mind that he does not actually have pragmatic “muscles” a real SUMO wrestler has.

90% of his body is FAT.

Yokozuna “KISENOSATO” who won the Spring tournament meanwhile has the muscles. And that fact explains why he prevailed over his Mongolian counterpart yesterday.

Therefore, chubby Pyongyang despot’s “military muscles” is simply no match for Yokozuna. Goldberg will be ousted from the SUMO ring in 3 seconds. He will surely learn a big lesson, that his ‘muscles’ (weaponry) from the Soviet era is totally outdated in today’s modern military standards. But the problem is, that the chubby dictator has no guts to brawl against Kisenosato, to feel, learn and face the undeniable reality.

If the United States of America is the ‘Yokozuna’ of the military muscle world which is quite likely, it’s Secretary of State Rex Tillerson recently argued that negotiation with North Korea is unthinkable, but instead military action is on the table.

 

Tokyo ready to strike Pyongyang!?

Pre-empitive strike on North Korea by Japan is hilariously prohibited by the so called “1947 constitution” that was drafted by Douglas McArthur 70 years ago. I use the term hilarious – due to the fact the recent nuclear missile tests and ICBM tests by Jonny Goldberg’s rogue nation is simply beyond tolerance. Just to remind some of you, Pyongyang fired 4 ICBMs on March 6th and three of them landed on Sea of Japan, just around 250km west off the coastline of Akita prefecture – north western Japan.

Lurid crime as it is, Tokyo should not turn a blind eye to these imminent threats especially when the latest reports show North Korea is preparing for another nuke test in any minute now. I did previously mention that Pyongyang’s military muscles are obsolete, but there’s just one exception.

The nukes.

 

Atomic bombs on Hiroshima and Nagasaki wiped out the cities instantly, killing more than 200,000 innocent civilians and leaving dozens more suffer under severe radiation sickness.

Targeting not a military target, but civilians was definitely an egregious violation of human rights and a crime to my understanding. Furthermore, according to a prominent Australian journalist Paul Ham’s book ‘Hiroshima Nagasaki’, U.S government from 1945 to 1952 imposed censorship and strictly banned Japan-U.S (foreign) medias from reporting any A bomb-related news since the repercussions of the nukes was overwhelmingly gruesome and brutal, beyond imagination.

But according to Ham’s book, the U.S authorities were extremely keen collecting thousands of radiation-effected human experiment datas (on pregnant women, children as well) during its 7 years of occupation, while treatment of the victims were widely ignored.

 

It explains why we the Japanese ‘historically’ have an ultimate right to oppose and condemn any sort of nuclear threat, to say the least. While Pyongyang’s nuke provocation is reaching a crucial stage, I believe pre-emptive strike by either Japan or Mr Tillerson’s men on its inexplicable foe is a rational choice that should never be ruled out.

And Tokyo has every reason to amend its obsolete 1947 constitution and attack the despot if needed. Not only Japan but Asia’s peace and stability as a whole is seriously at stake.

Lastly, our ‘friend’ China is still unlikely to be supportive of any tough stance on Kim Jong un despite his recent absurdity. Beijing’s aim is to continue using Pyongyang as it’s satellite-buffer state as we all know.

But my question is, ‘Excuse me Mr Xi Jin ping, for how long? Another 5 years?’. Sorry sir, I can’t wait that long, or else Japan  could have its ‘third Hiroshima’.

Remember, a typical ‘Nuclear deterrence’ strategy is unlikely to be effective on Mr Fatty Goldberg – the fake SUMO wrestler. A common sense does not work on this chubby despot. If Mr Donald Trump is a ‘pathological liar’ as was quoted by Bernie Sanders, then Kim Jong un is a ‘Brother Murder Psycho’ (BMS).

That’s right, he is the unpredictable.

Nobody imagined he would terminate his half brother. But the chubby did it. And we all know it.

Tokyo better beef up its military strength ASAP, to build up the decisive capacity to defend on its own. Overly subservient in its relationship with the Whitehouse as we have been for over the past 70 years, its about time Japan renovate itself to become the real “Yokozuna”.

Especially when we are also surrounded by extraordinary gentlemen Mr Vladimir Putin and Mr Xi, both nuke monsters.

SUMO wrestlers are all naked.

Which means they are vulnerable.

 

Ah, just like a little island nation with a mountain called FUJI.

 

 

Good Rising!

 

 

Yujiro

JB’s Editor in Chief

 

 

 

 

 

 

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