By Samurai Yujiro, Japan 「JB」senior sports correspondent


Strikingly, 30% of Nippon’s indispensable energy sources are purportedly supplied by the largest Sunni powerhouse in the middle east. Yes, the glorious nation of Saudi Arabia. One third of the automatic-toilets in Tokyo, therefore are inoperable without Riyadh’s thick slimy smelly yet sublime crude oil. Our daily fun (means ‘feces’ in Japanese) are beautifully washed away in a blink of an eye as 126 million anal canals across the ‘Land of the Rising Fun’ are cleansed, thanks to the crucial import that is approved not by MBK (a popular shopping complex in the heart of Bangkok) but MBS. Mr. Mohammad Bin Salman the unworldly.

The Japanese owe the Saudis big time. Good discharge, good purity.


However today, dear reader, I am thrilled and animated to announce that ‘Samurai Blue’ soccer team will get the better of the ‘Crude Oilers’ in the decisive FIFA World Cup 2022 Asia-Qualifiers, to be held in Saitama stadium north of Tokyo. While Saudi currently tops Group B with 19 points, Japan trails second with 15. With just three games remaining for all six teams, tonight’s victory’ll prove critical for my fellow countrymen to secure the ticket to the world’s greatest sports party to be held in Doha this November.

Bocky (KuBo, a Japan international who plays in Spain) and Minamino (Liverpool FC) will score a goal each. Meanwhile, I wishfully predict that Team Saudi will run out of gas (stamina, if not crude oil) after 45 minutes; due to an icy 2℃ North Tokyo evening zephyr. The boys who boisterously grew up in 50℃ desert’ll be incapacitated in the face of ‘Freezing Kamikaze’.

Even if MBS may in consequence retaliate by a ruthless oil-embargo; nullifying 30% of WC’s in Nippon, it is indeed a phallic duty for the Samurai Blue to aesthetically prevail.

See you in Qatar boys and girls!