Samurai Yujiro Taniyama, Japan Broadcasting .net B-Grade Sports Correspondent
The British play cricket.
The Brazilians perform soccer.
And the Italians cook pasta.
None of the above apparently neither play, hurray or understand the game of baseball, proudly made in YankeeLand. Even a properly educated Londoner would mutter, “How do baseball bowlers bowl ?!”.
Oops, that’s cricket.
Nonetheless, as far as the Outspoken Samurai (author of this rebellious editorial) is concerned the insincere organizers have ludicrously manipulated the ‘FIFA Baseball World Cup’ (WBC)’ tounament game fixtures – in such a pompous if not shameless manner that the U.S beefmongering Team Babe Ruth will advance to the finals with unforgivable ease.
Rigged, flawed and biased – indeed dear prudent readers, my unilateral claim can be substantiated by the fact that Walmart made Team Babe Ruth (TBR) inexplicably sits comfortably in Pool B. (see the attached photo)
To my disbelief, as you may witness, TBR (whose acronym can also be interpreted as Trump Baseball Ragamuffins) confronts the weakest teams in the games’ unremarkable history. Pasta Italia, Brazil Footballers and the English Cricketers.
Feeble to death, are these three teams. I mean, regardless of the trifle rules that for example stipulate; “You can play for Team Berlusconi if your mama is ethnically from Italia” (a shrewd yet artifical aproach, just to make the whole even appear international), when it comes to the general public, neither the Italians or Englishmen don’t even know the basic rules of the sport. “Do you first run to third base?!” – a lovely sunbathing teenybopper in Rio Di Janeiro seriously asks. The obvious question here is, why does the ‘greatest nation in the world’ face the lowest ranked teams in the world?!
The world ‘impartiality’ simply does not exist in the dictionary of the ridiculously self serving organizers – Malevolent Lucrative Baseball, also known as MLB.
Organizers’ conspiracy to make Yankee Republic & Friends win at any cost
On the contrary, defending champions Samurai Japan is brilliantly ‘fixed’ to face heavyweights Domica Republic or Venezuela in quarterfinals. These three teams, put aside TBR, are certainly the most powerful ‘Big 3′ in the tournament. San Diego Padres’ Tatis, Soto are impecabble. Hark! Team Babe Ruth, however is inexplicably ‘protected’ from clashing with these superpowers either in quaterfinals or semifinals.
Absolutely ununderstandable.
Puerto Rico? Cuba?! Mexico?! With all due deference, all three nations are fabulously B grade, just like the author.
For the readers that are unfamiliar with this whole tournament, this Baseball World Cup (BWC or WBC, whatever) initially began in 2006 to promote the sport on a global scale. Homogeneous Japan won the first two in 2006 and 2009, then again four years ago in 2023. TBR has been crowned just once.
Unlike FIFA Soccer World Cup, the most profound sports event on the planet, this ongoing baseball event is hugely unpopular and astoundingly unknown. And that’s perhaps ‘FIFA’ for the latter stands for nothing but FIxed, Flawed & Absurd. While Soccer World Cup’s group fixtures and draws are democratic and open, baseball aint. Lucrativeness seems to be all that matters, thereby my rigged intuition whispers that there’s an unwritten constitution as follows;
1. TBR, or Team USNA (United Stateds of North America) must advance to the finals
2. Organizers will profit the most if that matchup will be Japan vs TBR (as unlike in Washington D.C, the event is somehow hugely watched or listened in Tokyo, despite Mrs. Net Flix’s unprecedented monopolization)
3. Judge is MLB, so Aaron Judge and belligerent actor Will Smith’s Team TBR must not succumb to Homogeneous Japan again, like it happened last time. ‘Contaminate Ohtani’s hotdogs if necessary instigating homer-diarrhea’.
Lastly, whatever are the consequences, I wish all Japanese pitchers as well as Gaijin batters a delectable play and sportsmanship throuout the remaining tournament. Congratulations to Team Korea too, for making it to the quarterfinals for the first time in 17 years.
That all said, girls and gentlemen, my unremakable intelligence does imply that the licentious phallic deities of Giappone will disallow the impertinent hosts from claiming victory. Predicament and punishment will perhaps be what Team Babe Ruth will have to pay for the gruffy organizers’ Yankee first policy, even on the field of dreams.
Kevin, where have you gone lah?! (says a Taiwanese businessman), continuing, “There’s nothing classic about this fallacy lah!”
Bow.
