This is not a new episode of NARUTO, DORAEMON or YOUR NAME IS.

That’s right, it’s real.

North Korea’s autocratic regime “successfully” tested their latest ‘Hydrogen Bomb’ yesterday (Sept. 3). Congratulations Mr Kim, I think you have done it once again.

You are indeed fat, inexplicable and brave.

North Korea can now inflict violence on Japan using the world’s deadliest weapon.

As a peace loving man, and a huge fan of Mr. John Lennon, Mr.Kim’s obstinate actions are utterly shameful.

 

If you currently live in Europe or North America, I pretty much assume that you do not feel their repugnant provocation directly through your skin. For you readers, Fatty possessing nukes don’t really matter, likewise.

Well, if you are far-off 10,000 km away, that’s highly understandable.

 

But that surely is not the case if you are in Tokyo. 6 days ago the North launched its proud Hwasong-12 missile (meaning Mars) ‘over our mainland’, freaking us out.

The unthinking flock of sheep across Japan had diapers all wet in despair. (Including myself, sadly)

 

“Oh mama, what am I gonna do?!  General McArthur!”

I shouted, in vain.

 

The situation in East Asia is escalating rapidly to a crucial level, starring the ruthless barbarian (Mr Fatty). I am currently based in Tokyo, which is one of the ‘main targets’ for his men since the world’s largest mega-city is also a ‘home’ for over 130 U.S bases and military facilities, which is of course by far too many to my understanding. (You may be surprised by this hilarious fact already)

 

“All options are on the table” for Washington. Trump tweeted “North Korea is dangerous”, as always. But personally I do play down the ‘pre-emtive strike’ narrative by the U.S, since it is synonymous for the annihilation of Seoul – a city of 10 million.

But of course, it could happen. Hiroshima did happen, and so did Nagasaki.

That being said, probably learning from history means that we have to imagine the unimaginable.

Predict the unpredictable.

I repeat. Pyongyang is an imminent threat. Albeit being the most peaceful man on the face of the earth and also as a timid, shy Japanese national, my argument is that Tokyo should, and must begin contemplating on whether we should possess our own nuclear arsenal, as a means of self-preservation. Survival.

What? To wage war on China? Well, no, not again.

To be honest we are too ‘old’ for that. Please bear in mind that one out of every four Japanese are now aged over 65. The Japanese today are all about complacency and ‘tatemae’ – or never disclosing what you actually feel inside (but flatter instead, bollox), if you speak out “Let’s ask Sony, Panasonic and Hitachi to develop nukes in 3 weeks!”, that person is destined to be either ostracized or segregated.

But as this blog is all about behaving as an “Outspoken Samurai”, I will lead the path no other shall follow. Yes, speak out on Japan’s standing in the world (which is ridiculously frail, as we’ve been nothing but a panting puppy of Washington since 1945, national-security wise), and pursue what sort of action Tokyo ought to perpetuate before the ‘Fatty’ Mr.Kim uses his brand new TOY.

 

 

As the taste of Ramen changes frequently, so should the security stategy. An ‘accidental’ war could be trigerred at any moment in the areas surrounding the Sea of Japan. This is neither a Manga, ONE PIECE or an Anime, meaning that to obtain a new ‘Samurai  Katana Sword’ has now become Tokyo’s ultimate priority.

So in this blog, I’ve intentionally cooked up 8 reasons why it is imminent for Nippon to have the ‘balls’ and arm itself. Doing simply nothing under current circumstances is pathetic fellas.

 

 

1. ‘U.S nuclear deterrent’ is unfortunately not working. This fact has been proven by the fact North Korea has already gone nuclear. As a big fan of MLB (and Ichiro), I do count on the world’s most powerful military with a stunning $600 billion annual budget. But even their super pricy ‘nuclear umbrella’ could not prevent Pyongyang going nuclear. Let’s face it.

 

 

2. Absolute deterrent against Pyongyang.  Tokyo desperately needs a feasible deterrent in order to SURVIVE. If NK’s nukes become eligible (in a couple of months) to strike L.A or N.Y, it is highly likely Trump will ‘strike a deal’ with Kim allowing the posession of SRBMs such as Nodong and Tepodong missiles, on the condition they abandon ICBMs – meaning the end of U.S nuclear deterrence for Japan.

 

 

3. BALANCE OF POWER. Besides, the current S.Korean government led by Mun is ultra liberal, with an extremely soft stance on the North. Furthermore, a ‘Unified Korea’ within the next two decades shall also mean ‘Nuclear Korea’. That being said, Tokyo with nukes will neutralize the region. Japan has 46.9 metric tons of plutonium stockpiled (2016), with the capacity to build 5,000 nukes.

 

 

4. ‘9th AMENDMENT’ – About time the ‘Flock of sheep’ claim responsibility for it’s own safety, instead of acting like a panting puppy of Washington (like the U.K) –  Japan has become a ‘burden’ for America as Trump had claimed at a CNN interview in March, 2016 if my memory is correct (“They must pay more for defense, they should defend on its own against N.Korea, U.S is bankrupt with $21 trillion!”, he said, remember?). It is a well known fact that the Japanese are obsessed with ‘nuclear allergy’ due to its traumatic past of Hiroshima and Nagasaki. However, under the current circumstances the ‘unthinkable’ is thinkable. If the Japanese are not dumb, posessing nuclear bombs may also lead to amending the ‘Manga Constitution Article 9’ in the next general election (expected in 2018) – obtaining offensive capability which is currently prohibited under the U.S made 1946 constitution.

 

 

5. SENKAKU ISLANDS. Regional power China is flexing its military muscles daily infiltrating the territorial waters of Japan’s Senkaku Islands. Just like their military buildup in the S.China sea and the reclamation of artificial islands, Beijing is preparing for a direct invasion of the Senkakus which is highly likely to trigger WW3. Nuclear armed Tokyo shall definitely contribute to regional stability. Also remember, we of course do not kidnap human rights lawyers.

 

6. U.S WILL NOT ‘DEFEND’ JAPAN RISKING IT’s MAINLAND. Machiavellism. National interest. That’s how politics work. Don’t get me wrong, I am no anti-American. It’s all the Japanese’s fault that we have been overly dependent and subservient in its relationship with the U.S. I repeat, WE are to blame.

 

7. Non-Proliferation Treaty/Strategy is dead. I do condone the latest moves by 122 brave nations that signed a historic treaty to ban nuclear bombs, but  Kim’s recent nukes/missile tests have invalidated the whole process.  John Lennon’s ‘Imagine’ is a true classic, but the time for hypocrisy is over. Besides, the P5 will never abandon their prerogatives.

 

 

8. Please think for yourself. You are by far smarter than me.

 

 

 

Btw, I saw a brilliant comedy starring Robert De Niro, Sean Penn and Demi Moore last night.

 

That’s right, “We’re No Angels”.

 

Thank you.

 

 

 

Samurai Yujiro Taniyama – Editor in Chief, Japan Broadcasting