Samurai Yujiro, Japan undisciplined correspondent

Takeda Shingen (1521-1573) was a prominent Samurai during the Sengocoo-Period; or a super tumultuous ‘Age of Warlords’ that had lasted from around 1467 to 1615. He was an invincible military leader and a Daimyo (feudal lord) of Kai(甲斐国) – known as Yamanashi prefecture today, by the western foot of Mt.Fuji.

One of Shingen’s mighty rivals was Uesugi Kenshin (1530-1578) of Echigo(越後国)- or the present day Niigata prefecture that faces the Sea of Japan. He was a super-heavyweight warrior as well, and was also known as a selfless, fair minded braveheart. Kenshin drank like fish everyday.

Probably he was Irish.

The two legends fought for a total of 5 times in 12 years, mainly in Kawanakajima region (present day Nagano prefecture).

Since the ancient times, 「童貞崇拝」Dough-Tay-Sue-Hi had existed in Japan. Literally it means “Virgin Worship” – and traditionally it was a pervasive belief in Nippon Buddhism-Shintoism(神仏). People respected the Dough-Tay blokes as ‘pure people’. And interestingly, Kenshin too remained as an emphatic cherry boy throughout his entire life!

Never run under the rain

So Kenshin was a devout Buddhist (or Shintoist) , celibate and an immaculate virgin. Its absolutely unthinkable for a bestial pervert like myself, yet to be emancipated by lustful carnal appetite to enforce such an monstrous self-discipline. The Bellend is indisputably nothing but a secular turd, indeed. Bow.

And talking about discipline, it is often and widely regarded as an unshakable element of the famous ‘Bushido Code’ – or the Samurai way. Probably you know it too.

However in this little Bollox editorial, I’d like to convey 3 rather untold aspect of the Samurais to beef up your basic knowledge of the Land of the Rising Penis. So the following are the three simple rules.

  1. Always walk in the center of the path.
  2. When you need to take a turn while walking, always make a “right angle 90° turn”.
  3. Never run like a cowardly pussy, even if it suddenly starts raining. Just walk.

Ludicrous as it may sound, they were the irrefutable rules of a Samurai back in the good old days. “Walking in the center of the path or a street” – allegedly made one appear bold and fearless. Understandable. But making a “90° turn” at every corner surely makes one look like a charlatan, wouldn’t it?! The Bellend clearly has no idea how this hilarious ‘rule’ came by, but probably the Samurais back then regarded it ‘cool’. Inexplicable. And lastly, “not to panic and run despite the rain” is probably about maintaining self-control and absolute tranquility of the mind. So the 15th century legends Shingen (武田信玄)and Kenshin(上杉謙信) must have enjoyed being slapped in the face by pouring rain back in those bloody days. Comprehensible.

Anyhow, an infallible Bravado you had to be!


To wrap up the argument, let us imagine on how the sublime warriors in medieval Nippon would have reacted, were they to time-slip to Tokyo today. Would the great “3 rules apply”?! My guess is that the proud Samurais will slightly revise them in the following manner;

  1. Always walk in the center of the path. (Still valid, although may be hit by cars)
  2. Right angle turn is not a necessity. But never use lifts and escalators. Its for losers.
  3. Never put on masks even if a bloke sitting beside you starts ‘Corona-coughing’.

OMB, the warlords will highly likely reject being quarantined as well! The Bollox Tokyo authorities shall then all be decimated by super-sharp Katana swords in the blink of an eye. Striking.

I can’t wait for the cherry-boys, no I mean the cherry blossoms!